Yesterday, it hit. My back suddenly began to hurt – really hurt. My right arm is aching and painful when I raise it or reach to pick something up. I am walking like a very, very old woman. I am feeling like a very, very old woman. Mid forties and feeling like mid eighties.
The self doubt also hit… Is this what I should be doing? Am I too old for it? How can I keep lugging large furniture here there and everywhere? There are so many others doing it now. There are so many, many bloggers with amazing ideas. How can I ever compete?
After more than a decade at home raising little ones, I realize that reinventing oneself is not an easy journey.
The thing is, I do love it. I love to paint and create. Why I love to arrange and rearrange my home is just unexplainable. I can spend hours doing it. Like when I was a little girl and spent countless afternoons rearranging my doll house, except now the furniture is a lot heavier!
Yesterday, I spent the afternoon cleaning out my living room. Now that it is empty again, it felt wonderful to get in there to clean and sort it out. I rearranged and incorporated some pieces that didn’t sell at the market. I had my teenage son and daughter do all of the lifting – even books (they are so lucky to have a mom who has them move furniture countless times)!
To a clean room that I can breath in again. It certainly doesn’t belong in a magazine and needs new curtains and a new rug. However, it felt fantastic. A catharsis… the purification and purgation of emotions—especially pity and fear—through art or any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration.
I have too many plans to stop now…I really hope my back cooperates!
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